Friday, August 8, 2008

I Am 25 today.

I am 25 today.
I woke up this morning and made the choice just like I did that morning so long ago.
This morning it was not a conscious thought, just a simple dedication by motivation.
In other words, I woke up and got on with my life this morning.
I never thought to get here. That first morning was physically and emotionally painful; even more so later that night. Not so much now.
I am 25 today.
Not 25 days, nor months, but years. 25 years.
I never thought to get here. I assumed I would be dead by now. I looked at the ‘dinosaurs’ with uncomprehending awe. Not that I didn’t believe them. I simply could not grasp the concept. When I first met my sponsor, she had 8 years. I figured she must know God personally, y’know, “lunched” with Him. Now I understand why she felt unequal to the task.
I am 25 today.
Not because I did anything. The only active part I took in this miracle was to trust. I trust that the program works. I trust that things WILL get better…or at least different. I trust that I am not, never was, or ever will be responsible for the world- only my part in it.
I am clean and sober….25 years, one day at a time. Truly, a day at a time, cuz most days I don’t have a conscious thought of being or not being an addict. One day followed another.
Then I woke up this morning…25 years later.
25 years after that night when I walked blindly into a 12 step meeting and mumbled something like;
“Hi, I’m Debra, and I’m an addict.”
Though I tend to remember it more like: “I’m Debra, and I dunno.”

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